The Ying and Yang of Family

I am English. I am pleased to be so.
The English stereotype is historically of the old stiff upper lip, don't make a scene, don't make a fuss, dignity above all else. However that is nothing like my experience of being English.

Since the late 1950's, the English started expressing publicly that they needed more freedom of expression, they needed the opportunity to carve out their own path in life. As the rights of the individual were championed in the courts, there were some casualties along the way. No longer could a man expect his wife to do and be a substitute mother to him and for a few years the divorce courts had a booming trade while those who could not adapt to a more equal life were set aside in favour of those that could. It was a bumpy few decades but the divorce courts trade is now waning by comparison, the majority of children in this country are being raised in stable two parent families. Perhaps not the original two parents, but stability and love abound.

Families can provide a nurturing environment to raise up the next generation, or to support friendships, or teach a person how to cut a path in the commercial world.  What starts in the family ought to be love, boundaries, affection, belonging, aspiration. These help a person learn to deal with lifes knocks along the way. They teach emotional self regulation and how to overcome hurdles and obstacles.

When a healthy environment is less available, the effect may not be experienced for decades.

When life hits us with unexpected outcomes it can be a shock but we bounce back.

Resilience is defined as a material being able to receive an impact, disperse and expel the force with no visible or lasting damage being incurred.

People who were not able to learn early in life how to be resilient must needs learn the lesson later, and it is a painful one.

When the need to be resilient in every single aspect of a persons life happens all at once, it is not a pretty sight.  They are whelmed, threatening to be overwhelmed. They do not know how to express resilience in all of these areas or how to genuinely feel resilient or how to impartially review the multitude of situations they are simultaneously experiencing.

When there is no way through, there are hopefully some strong friendships.
When the whelmed individual asks the honest question, and the caring and honest answers come in, it gives the asker a stick in the sand to start measuring the direction of the sun, thus the person finds out where they are and can start to decide where they want to be, and plot a course.

People raise people.

All that good folks want is for a better shake than their predecessors and for their offspring to have a better shake than themselves.

We each have a personal responsibility to learn, grow, and develop the skills that were either never taught or were taught but we were not listening that day.

Hurt people hurt people.

Rising above the disappointments or unfulfilled expedtations prevents one from becoming the instigator in the future.  While it is natural for someone to want others to feel some of that which they dish out, it would only continue the cycle for future decades, perhaps future generations.

Cultivate friendships in the good times.
These friendships will enrich your life.
These friendships will point the way to emotional resilience when you are surprised at the immediacy of the emergency.

Resilience and happiness are the long term goals.
Aside from a few wrinkles and a few extra silver hairs, we might be doing alright.