Acts of Random Kindness

Last night I came home after a long and hard day at work.


On the table, collected from the doorstep by the child, was a lovely gift bag containing a pot plant of daisy type flowers.


Through the letterbox was an envelope with my name on it.


In the envelope was no card or identifier, but a cash gift in £'s (I'm English, we use real pounds).


So, if you are reading this, that was very sweet and lovely, thank you.  You are far too kind.


The plant is now pride of place in our living room, it is the only living non-human thing in our home so makes a bright difference.


Whoever you are, consider this a thank you hug. x




Picture is Morgan Freeman with a quote from the movie Evan Almighty.

Justify yourself.

This blog post is a hard one to share, and at time of composing I haven't yet decided if I will hit the button to put these thoughts out to the wider world.


I am struggling with the constant requirement to justify myself, to prove myself, to defend myself.  There are few areas of life where I am free from the request to justify myself. 


For clarity, I'm up for the task and am very clear on who I am and what I stand for.  I am talented and have grit to spare.


It just annoys the sunshine out of me and detracts from the things we have going on right now.  It costs me emotional and physical energy which could happily have been put to better use elsewhere.


When somebody says "justify yourself" with a negative connotation, I get to look back and remember all the hard work that got us to this point but in doing so I recall disappointments or disappointing people, and explain how I turned that situation around for the greater good and how through tenacity and determination I decided to shape a great life from a difficult one.


For the mean time, I'll set my stance and greet the day with a smile... it's only for a short while that I have to endure these requests.


What makes it easier is being a truth-holder.  I don't have to remember what I said about something, I just have to remember the something.


I am learning to wait well. 
Impatience has no positive place in this endeavour and I could go again, starting from the beginning, up the same hill, under the same conditions as many times as is necessary in order to succeed in continuing to design and create a pretty great life. 


In justifying myself, justice will prevail.

Being in the Photograph.

A tremendously good friend forwarded me some photos she snapped of a group of us girlfriends at the beach a couple of years ago. We live in different cities far from the coast and had all travelled in for the weekend.  The photos were a lovely surprise and a welcome gift.  I think it was a late September day in the UK which should have been wet and dreary but we caught a heatwave bubble and basked in glorious weather.  We almost had the beach to ourselves, our favourite seals popped their head up out of the water to say hi again, we had beach chairs and beach blankets, full tummies from breakfast and it was our final day at the coast.


Now, on first glance I look like a person who perhaps would or should have body issues.  I'm a little more round than tall although great boobies help me carry off an hourglass-ish look!  I have a little more latitude than longitude.  My face is quite round.  Without makeup - which I hardly ever wear - I look a little lived in... happy but lived in.  I am not particularly photogenic at all.


BUT... here's the important bit... I LOVE THE PHOTO'S.


They capture a group of friends all relaxed in each others company, laid out on the sand, laughing, making sand castles, spending time, reading books, resting before returning home later that same day to demanding families and demanding jobs in demanding cities.  There had been a couple of differences of opinion that weekend, that's what you get when you have 7 independent and strong willed women together.  The photos captured how much it was important to us all that we were still all together the morning after the disagreement.  It was perfect in it's imperfection, to me, at least.


What was photogenic is the love we have for each other.
Even when the object of the image is blinking in the photo (me) or is in repose in a chair in a not very flattering fashion, or when we've got our hair in an informal bun with no loose bits for framing the face, and no make up and so forth, the love we have for each other is clearly present.


I used to shy away from photos but nowadays for the most part I welcome them and it is all because I read a story of a lady reminiscing about her life.


The lady had said that she wished she'd been in the pictures, that she'd captured the moments of her husband and children but that she wished she had something to look back on in photographic form to capture the moments that she was in the image with them, that they'd shared it all together.


So, when someone points a camera in my direction nowadays I think to myself


"This is who I am, this body is kind to me, it nurtures and sustains me with good health, stamina and ability, and in 20 years time I'll wish I had this picture, scraggly hair day and all, and in 20 years time I'll wish I looked as good then as I do now, so take the picture and make sure I get a copy!"


Dear friends, please be in the picture. 


Let people capture the wonderful moments and the moments which turned out to be wonderful after all.  The ordinary times together are valuable.  Be glad you have a body, be glad of it's strength, be happy in the opportunities to share memories with great companions.  Don't pose, live a life of poise.  There's a lot of happy to be had. 

Phone-less in a phone soaked world

Phone-less.
A brick of glass and plastic.
A low-resolution camera and phone book.
That's all this bit o'kit had been reduced to.


I'm in between contracts and a keep-my-number transfer which should have taken a couple of hours is currently running at 5 days.


I could get shirty with the folks on the helpline, but they were nice and that's not how I roll.


I could troll their Facebook pages stating how awful they were, but on the scale of awful, this doesn't even begin to measure.


Folks on the telephone were horrified that this thing had gone wrong but it wasn't their fault, it's just a thing gone wrong and which is rectifiable. 


I must admit to being a little "pully face-y" in a grimace because


a) the school always phone, all the time
b) the kid memorised the number
c) I drive a beautiful clunker of a car and have breakdown cover
d) safety and quick dials to the authorities
e) I like phones


so it's all a bit rubbish, but it is only a bit rubbish, it'll pass, it'll work itself out, it'll be fine.


So, I'll see you when we've no longer gone dark. 


If you need me, I'll be the one talking to people and reading a paper book and drawing with pencils and learning the guitar and cooking new recipes and so forth because there's nothing better to do.  Hard life, eh?

Friends, Buddies, the Squad, The Tribe.

The past 4 years have been a colossal change for me and my little family.
Some things are great,
Some things are still challenging and an ongoing project.
Some things are just life, like bills and taxes.


What has made the difference between existing vs. living is pretty simple.
a) steely determination
b) my people.


Now when everything surprisingly and in catastrophic fashion hit the fan one Sunday evening, within 2 hours when the environment was made safer I texted my girls, my squad, just saying something like:
"I really need some love and support, I think my marriage just ended".


Not prone to any form of melodrama, they knew immediately that it was serious and they were as shocked as I, and were as supportive as any person in the history of humanity. 
I've never known better people. 
My heart sings at the thought of them, they're magnificent.


We were offered safe places to sleep (which I should have taken but was in too much shock), we were told we were believed, and we were told we were loved, and we were trusted to take the next steps - whatever they ended up being - they trusted in my ability when I didn't know if I did anymore.


I think in pictures then translate to words in order to communicate.
When I think of my people, my tribe, I get a picture of a cute little house and a white picket fence with a sturdy gate.  Then there is a second perimeter picket fence and a third.  My buddies are in the picture as walking straight through the outer, middle and inner gates.  They have permission to come and go, my house is their house, their hopes and dreams are my hopes and dreams for them.  Strangers and baddies are outside the outer perimeter, various levels of acquaintances are within the other gates.


Over the last 4 years it has gotten to the point where we need a bigger mental first garden, there are so many great and wonderful people in our lives.  The image that comes forth is of a garden party with pitchers of cool drinks and pretty chairs and blankets on the lush green grass.


But the image of the cute home is the grounding force, that is permanent, the fences move to accommodate new people but the house doesn't move, it represents known values, permanence, steely determination and grit.


You find your tribe through shared values, living up to the declaration of who you say you are, and by being kind even when there are other options available, by being willing to learn and grow, by listening to your elders in experience and years, by acting on what needs to be done, and sometimes people join you in those possibilities.


There is no space for wishy washy engagement here, time is short, life is urgent, it can be taken away and with that knowledge in the first person all the other priorities fall into place. 


If you are contented, be contented.  If you are upset, tell a friend, they can listen.  If you are pensive, excited, overjoyed... be those things, sometimes two or three of those things at once!  It gives other people permission to experience their life too.  It's awesome and contagious.


Some days have been ugly, authentic, raw and unfiltered.  A couple of people have sometimes been around when those days occurred but mostly it is a retreat to the house and wait for it to pass experience for me.  So, sorry to those people who were around when I couldn't filter the feelings for polite company anymore... I'll try and learn from those times. Or maybe, next time I won't try to spare you from it.  Let me know your preference on a self addressed envelope and I'll get to it.


Be willing to go it alone and be willing to accept company if others are headed in the same direction.


In advance of 2nd International Platitude Day, we only get 72 goes around the sun if we are lucky... if you are going to waste a day, realllly waste it.  Do it justice.  If you are facing something unpalatable, face it, get it done, endure it, grow and develop.  This too shall pass.  And look sideways sometimes to see and recognise who is at your shoulder, sustaining and supporting you.  It may be surprising who you find there. If they look sideways, do they see you?  Are you sustaining and supporting them too?  I think you are. 

Mouse Click Theory

I have a theory that in a given week we are gifted with a certain allocation of mouse clicks. 

If we are storming through our allotted tasks like a demon in days Monday-Thursday we use up most of those clicks.

Come Friday we are left feeling sluggish and as though we are running through treacle.

At which point we now feel the need to tell everyone around us that we are "feeling it", that we have run out of oomphf but are going to battle through anyway.

The theory of the mouse clicks answers so many oddities in my life. 

It lends my thoughts to effort and resilience.

It reminds me that stamina is required to complete tasks.

It reminds me that if "I'm feeling it" then frequently the end is in sight and I just have to push through.

It's quite a comfort in a back to front "at least I know what's going on" kind of way.

Shocking Reality of Rail Fares

The cost of rail fares now in the UK is beyond shocking.

I have determined that for a group of 4,

 

it is cheaper to

 

• buy a disposable car,
• insure it for the day,
• drive it to London,
• see the tourist things that are there to see,
• drive home,
• call the breakers yard
• have them collect the vehicle for scrap
• cancel the insurance

 

than it is to buy 4 return tickets off peak, whether or not the tickets are directly purchased or through a comparison site.  See my evidence below of results through a popular discount rail ticket site (cough spottedhanky cough)...

 

Shocking!

How to weather a storm (cough-divorce-cough).

We have to know our own worth.

We have to know the law or know someone who knows the law.

We have to be dealers in the truth.

We have to be resilient.

We have to be consistent.

We have to be patient.

We have to breathe.

We have to be still.

We have to be grateful for the journey.

We have to continue to learn and grow.

We have to recognise our blessings.

We have to hold on to the good.

We have to plan for happiness.

We have to embrace happiness at every opportunity.

We have to minimise negative influences.

We have to smile because we are content where we are.

We have to care for ourselves.

We have to put ourselves as a priority, at least once in a while.

We have to visualise the bamboo in a hurricane as it sways and lets the breeze through and causes no damage.

We have to trust there will be an end.

We have to believe there will be a new beginning.

We have to honour life as a joyous experience.