We bought a trumpet

My daughter is a polymath, someone who picks up skills pretty easily for the most part and is pretty great at most subjects but not outstandingly brilliant at one or another by comparison, it frustrates her like crazy.


So, we were enjoying the Sleepless in Seattle soundtrack in the car on the way to Church on Sunday and the song "Kiss to build a dream on" by Louis Armstrong came on with its crisp and clear brass solo toward the end...


The conversation went something like;


"I haven't heard this song in years, since I was about 8 years old!  Oh I love this song"
"Really?"
"Yep, and this sounds like a great wedding tune for a first dance"
"I was just thinking exactly the same thing!"
"I'd love to play the trumpet"
"Would you like me to pick one up for you?"
"Oh my gosh that'd be amazing, yes please, I want to be able to play 7 instruments by the end of the year"
"Ok, I'll have a look online and see what I can do".


Fast forward to today, one cheap n cheerful trumpet procured for delivery this week.


Why?!  Why do I offer these things? 


If you need me at any time in the next year, tap me on the shoulder to gain my attention.  These bad boys are going to be my best friends for the foreseeable future.
 

Politeness, watching slugs play rugby.

When people have a pop at your kids, and when there is an unequal balance of power in the pop-er's favour, it is prone to bring out the momma bear.


I have a friend, lets call her "Beryl", who feels conflicted because back in the day she was raised in an eggs-is-eggs environment, where you said it like you see it, where the strongly worded and vocal disagreement was had, everyone knew where they stood, there was a victor and the vanquished, and then you all shook hands and got on with life.


Nowadays Beryl feels it is death by a thousand cuts.


There's lots of being required to be polite, to word emails carefully, to not be seen to be too authoritative, to be seen to be collaborative, to be reasonable.


In the immortal words of my mum, "I'll Give You Reasonable!!!" while rolling up her sleeves and taking out her hoop earrings!


Someone forgot we live politely nowadays, they got above themselves and verbally abusive, and forgot that She Is Defended.
So, off went emails for traceability, politely worded requests, a declaration of my position in this matter, polite polite polite.


This would be Gibbs from NCIS's nightmare in boatbuilding terms because it is going against the grain.  There's a reason you should go with the grain, it smooths the edges, you get better results, but I guess in Lumberjack terms it is necessary to go horizontal in the cut rather that vertically as per the growth if you want to fell the beast ahead of you.


Now, Beryl's tummy is tied in knots because historically this situation could have been resolved by now but it is so very, excruciatingly slow, like watching slugs play rugby, and this is not a situation with which we have an ample quantity of time. 


So, move it people!  Get a wiggle on, light a fire under your feet, get cracking, get it sorted because your way is not necessarily correct.

The Prayers of Single Mothers

Caveat: Churchy, avert your gaze, all you who are squeamish.

 

My little family and I live in a home with little to no access to the priesthood.  We never had it, we don’t miss it, it’s not a big thing.  We don’t really currently have any home teachers and I am completely at ease with that.

There are genuine and appreciated offers of priesthood from friends and acquaintances but it’s a bit like driving a fancy car, I’ve never done it, looks like it might be an experience, seems a bit ostentatious and not really on my radar.

What is on my radar though, are the prayers of Mothers. 

I have no idea if you know how much your parents kept you in their hearts, had high hopes for you, worried about you, rejoiced for you, trusted you, loved you and wanted the best for you.  All of these are “civilian” expressions of having a prayerful heart toward you.  It doesn’t stop, your goodly parents will have these hopeful and empowering feelings toward you for the rest of their days, which is a good thing. 

With the absence of the priesthood, what we in my family do have is the prayers of a Single Mother.  These are potent, powerful and heartfelt, frequently brief in the midst of an emergency, and really very demanding. They wait on nobody.  A single mum’s prayers demand an answer, they search for inspiration, and require a response.  There is nothing wishy washy about a single mum’s prayers and nothing wishy washy about how she receives the answers she seeks. 

In the absence of priesthood, it feels like nothing is missing, no blessing denied, and that we are heard and held in high esteem.  It is very connected and dynamic.  Mum, Dad, 2.4 kids would perhaps be nice, maybe.  Finding yourself in a different shape family should hold no concern with regard to Ecclesiastical matters.

Helping kids cope with GCSE's and other exams.

I have a "so far so good" strategy for helping the teen cope with impending (tomorrow and through the next week, eeeek) exams being sat a year early.


Good school supplies.
Quiet for revision.
Internet availability.
Good dinners.
Fresh fruit.
Chocolate.
Occasional nice distractions.
Clean uniform.
Kindness.


That's it. 

School Reunions, we used to be 16 yrs old.

This weekend is a school reunion, our first en masse reunion.
It's a milestone year for us, some might say 10 years, some might say 20, but we know better.
School happened for us during an unenlightened period, our teachers were tired, we made our teachers even more tired, who knows if they saw some glimmer of hope in us but for the most part it was a dynamic and tumultuous time economically, politically, musically and artistically.
We were so lucky to be coming of age in 1986, the whole world just opened up to us in ways that had never been available to our parents, a form of social mobility suddenly became attainable, life felt dynamic, and for the first time we had a chance to define our futures rather than live out the life that had worn down our parents.
I think that we've aged remarkably well from the times I've bumped in to a handful of people in town, what with town being 98.6 miles from where I live now, there must have been something good in the water in 1986, some kind of elixir of the eternally youthful soul.


My family moved to The Shire in 2002, I followed my heart and stayed for the good schools and cheap housing so I didn't get to keep in touch with people as one might have hoped and during that time a lot of things changed.
We changed from shy to whatever the heck this is nowadays.
We worked in the City of London in the 80's - A-mazing!
We moved into the digital age.
We ushered in a new millennium.
We learned to drive and bought cars.
We became gainfully employed.
We may have started families, or we may have been wise and not done so!
We moved from dial up to broadband.
We all bought home computers, then laptops, then "devices".
We weathered the storms of life.
We matured like a fine wine.


Now, we get to dance on table tops and celebrate that we know each other and it all worked out in the end. 
We had no idea what we were doing back then, and probably very little has changed in that aspect but it's still dynamic and exciting and I am glad to have the opportunity to catch up with these good folks who were there during the formative years.  Here's to another 30.

Stress and a Parent's Evening.

I’ve been feeling a little stressed on and off recently, nothing too bad, just enough to remind me that I’m alive and I have to work hard at simplifying life and not sweating the small stuff.

But then I went to Missy’s parents evening at school.

She’s in a good school, great school actually, phenomenal even.

They teach to a high standard, they expect a great deal from all their students, and they provide a safe environment for the children to become adults.

The children still have challenges and have to negotiate the social structure, but it is not brutal like many other establishments and the spats are quickly over.

They nurture when necessary, and get super strict when that’s required too.

They took her in when she’d had challenges elsewhere, and they didn’t give up on her when she demonstrated her “less than mainstream” view of the world.

When you are a mum to a headstrong teen and you ask them about their day, you get to hear about how much fun they had at lunch and how they’re “failing every class, ugh, I don’t even know why I bother”.

And you worry.

You prod them to get them to school on time, with the right kit and the right attitude, and the right homework, but you worry a little.

Then they have a temper a few times to get you to try and give up on them, which for 10 minutes after the fact you want to capitulate but then you dust yourself off and go at this parenting lark again.

Missy’s tempers are a sight to behold. 

In a temper she’s fierce, intense, articulate and she’s tall, and she is immovable and imposing, and bristly, and it can – for a lesser mortal than I – be a scary sight to behold.

What people see is frightening, but the reality of the situation is that she is in a heated moment, trying to communicate a distress at an injustice.

She’s just so tall and imposing that even though she is still, she’s often considered to be a worry.

So, parents evening.

You sit in front of 9 of their teachers for the exam courses they’re studying.

And the teachers ask the child to tell them how she thinks she’s doing.

And they listen and then tell her the good things.

They remind her and tell me about the good grades.

The tell me about the great behaviour and attitude she’s exhibiting (whooohooooo!  She’s a hard kid to raise).

And they set goals and tell get her to buy in to the strategy that will take her where she is from to where she could be.

 

To hear that her teachers are very fond of her, that they appreciate what a great kid she is, that they’re pushing her as they should, and that they are affirming she should enter law school or med school or enter the International Economics arena when she graduates is music to my ears, and to her ears too.

“You are a strong woman, Missy, and you are going to go far, you just need to get organised and here is how you do that….”

“You have a vast body of knowledge and you apply it well which is a delight in the class and increases your grades”.

“You managed yourself very well when you were feeling stressed today in class, next time could you…..”

“You have to hand in your homework even if you feel it could have been better, to give you a mark, we have to see it…”

One teacher caught me by the arm after Missy walked out to the corridor between appointments and asked

“Is she as intense at home? Wow, my hat goes off to you, you manage so well and you are doing phenomenally.  We really appreciate everything you have done to bring her to this point, she’s amazing and we can see her growth.  You are a powerful parent to her and she is blessed because of it”.

 

And all of a sudden, I was a little less stressed, and I could concentrate on the things which needed my attention.