Single Mum Stuff

I am a mum, a mom, a single mum, I am single mumming it.

I am the adult.

I am the adultiest adult in our house.

If look for an adultier adult, it dawns on me that I need look no further than the person standing in my shoes.

I work for a living outside the home.

It is how I stay sane with adult conversation and company, and how I keep the lights on and the tummies fed.

It is a humble job, it’s long hours, it’s not paid particularly well, but well enough that we have most of what we need and some of what we want.

 

We are doing great, knock on wood, fingers crossed.

Although it is tiring, with a big knock on wood, it is sometimes easy peasy.

 

There are some things I would like to point out at this juncture.

1. It is a happy life.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything mediocre.
2. I am busier than you if you are in a 2 adult family.  I don’t care how hard you work, how poorly you feel, how many kids you have or don’t have, how large the corporation is that you head up as the CEO, how hard it was to broker that Peace Treaty ratified by the UN which brought about world peace, I am busier than you.  There is nobody with whom to share the load. There is nobody to sit beside. There is nobody to be the other half of the Yoke carrying partnership, there is nobody in my home to whom I can sound off or ask impromptu advice, there is nobody else who will start dinner while I finish something off, and there likely will never be again.
3. There is no wiggle time to goof off.  Everything, even the fun times, must have a purpose.  Every car ride is an opportunity to check in with my teen or sing with her to the radio or ensure she is in the right place at the right time to keep the doors of opportunity open to her.  Every dinner at the table is an opportunity to listen to the music she’s listening to, watch the YouTube shows she’s watching, hear about how school was. Every visit with family in another city is to give me a few minutes support and to foster bonds between my teen and them in case anything was ever to happen that I couldn’t be around for a while. Every visit to the park is to foster physical and emotional health.  Every visit to the theatre is to encourage art appreciation and creativity. Every church activity is to help her recognise the things she needs to recognise so that she can forge through life with courage.
4. I have an enormous responsibility to drive safely and get home every evening; it is at the fore of my mind daily.
5. The list of things to do to keep the house and us ticking with a roof, power, water, heat, wi-fi, clean clothes, homework done, the place tidy enough and enough interaction with others that we stay sane is almost endless.  If I sit down, I know there is something else I could or should be doing.
6. If I am leaving my kiddo with someone so I can go to a function, we need to get it done and I need to get home.
7. Friends are cherished.  Good friends are people for whom I would jump through a hoop of fire. Just the one, though!
8. I love hearing your triumphs and problems.  If we can be laughing hard at life, that is a joyful moment for me.
9. I like helping out with your kids if I can fit it in and I'll do all in my power to fit it in.  As a firm believer in “it takes a village to raise a child” I am happy to put in the love and the time to be there for your kids as you have been there for mine. 
10. My resources, physically and financially, are very finite.  They run out quickly.  If I am taking your child to a dance, I appreciate you getting them to a central point if possible and I appreciate a small donation toward the petrol to get them to another city and back because I go without lunch to make these things happen.  If you are going to a dance with your child, I appreciate the occasional offer to provide a lift for my little ‘un and I will donate to your time and resources to help make that happen.  If you are asking for a round robin pick up, I appreciate enough notice so that I can knock off work earlier so that I can make sure my kiddo has had dinner, done homework, so that we can get to your home, pick up your kid, get them to the place they need to be too – remembering that if you live 15 minutes from my house, that adds half an hour to the journey.  If there are two of you adults home, I judge you.
11. There are a few things which pique my interest but nothing about which I am obsessed. I like seeing you folks go nuts over stuff but I just don’t get it.
12. My favourite thing is seeing anything done well.  Anything.  Reversing that truck around a corner first time, kudos.  Erecting scaffolding, I’ll stand and watch.  Thatching a cottage roof, I’ll take a picture. Surfing with panache, style points to the max. Stitching that dress, same. A great presentation to a room full of strangers, hats off to you.  Making food that looks like art, wowzers. Making food that's not burned, I stand in awe.

It’s not a competition, but if it were then I’d no doubt win!

I have all my stuff together (knock on wood – we do a lot of that around here) and I might make this look less hard than it actually is because you become accustomed to your lot in life and knock on wood things are going ok right now.

I actually find life quite absurd and funny.

I’m not asking for help.

I appreciate that your life is taxing too.

We do what we do because it needs to be done.

 

Three things would help.  Don’t tell me you know how I feel because your husband went on a boy’s weekend last year and it was hell, don’t get in the way of me getting back to my family, and if I’m looking worn out don’t tell me I look like hell because chances are I lost precious sleep trying to raise my kiddo or help another person raise their kids too.