I have been fighting people who fit the profile of psychopaths and surviving the destruction they
spread all the days of my life.
It has been close contact conflict.
It was all done in the “First person”, one to one.
Not “those people over there” but rather “these people,
here, in this room”.
At first it was one generation to the next, me being the
child (with help from adults, this is not a solo venture).
Then it was a peer to peer relationship lasting 24 years.
I’m am tired, deep down to my bones weary tired.
However, I’ll keep going because self determination is the
prize which I have won.
I am made for this and can go again right now, right from the beginning if I have to. It holds no fear.
For the rest of my days I’ll keep plugging through because this is who I am.
I am made for this and can go again right now, right from the beginning if I have to. It holds no fear.
For the rest of my days I’ll keep plugging through because this is who I am.
Let’s take a moment to try and paint a picture:
Do you know how tiring it is when, for example, you watch
over a bunch of hyperactive and disobedient children?
When you first take responsibility for the kids you try to be
strict, No, Don’t do that, but all you get back is a heightening of the mania
and they end up a spitting, thrashing and whirling dervish.
So then you develop coping strategies and mould their
behaviour where possible and ignore the bits that are destructive but aren’t
actually hurting someone.
That is the tiniest taste of what it is like to try to
survive in a situation with a psychopath.
If a psychopath walked up to you for the first time and
handed you a business card which said “Joe Bloggs, Psychopath at Large” you
would say “Oh, that’s nice, Joe is it, let me show you the buffet table” and
then you would dump them there and walk away with barely a glance backwards.
But they don’t hand out business cards.
Quite the opposite.
The clever ones are particularly deceptive.
Phase 1.
The fun for a psychopath is in being charming, frequently they’re well-presented and handsome, they are attentive and they say they would move mountains. They often present themselves as a rescuer and when they are around, you feel like a million dollars. This phase can last for weeks or years.
The fun for a psychopath is in being charming, frequently they’re well-presented and handsome, they are attentive and they say they would move mountains. They often present themselves as a rescuer and when they are around, you feel like a million dollars. This phase can last for weeks or years.
Phase 2.
In subsequent encounters, probably over a time frame of
years, they cannot hide their attempt to dominate the other person and erode
their sense of self (schools for the kids, where to eat, placement of cushions,
who can come in the house, when you can go out so it is convenient for them),
bringing out the indignant rage, the sulking, their sense of entitlement, their
contempt at any comparison to people who do not behave like that.
Phase 3.
Later, if the other party refuses to capitulate, things become physically dangerous rather than “just” emotionally dangerous.
Later, if the other party refuses to capitulate, things become physically dangerous rather than “just” emotionally dangerous.
Have you heard about how “their eyes changed” or “they’re a
nut job when they get going”? Yep, alarm
bells and warning signs.
The daft thing, for all their charm, is that they don’t know
that they are not particularly bright and that people, “normal” people do give
and take in relationships so their attempt at dominance is ridiculous because
love is there for the sharing, not the taking.
They don’t feel love like civilians do, they feel dominant, superior,
all powerful. Love is not in the
equation. Sure, they’ll say the words to
woo someone back, but the feeling is not there.
And no, their emotional bullying is not passion, it is emotional
bullying.
The fastest way to make a psychopath leave you alone is to
walk away. Out of sight, pretty much out
of mind after a while.
Don’t get in to the mind games, don’t think this is some
Teen-Lit and angst filled novel, don’t try to fix them because even their
parents didn’t succeed, don’t buy in to their “my girlfriend left me, woe is me”
schpeil because the girlfriend left for a reason.
Repeat to yourself
“I am a drama free zone, I am worthy of genuine love, I have
myself and my friends, I don’t need validation, I validate myself, it is never
too early and almost never too late to walk away” and then do just that.
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